Relationships

Relationships are complicated, everyone knows that. But where do they begin? Do we fall for people because its destiny? Because we see in them what is not in us? Because we need the attention? Where does the feeling of "needing" a relationship begin? Everyone always wants to be loved but when does the love of our parents, family, and friends become not enough? And most of all after we are hurt so much why do we keep going back? To the person that hurt us or just to relationships in general? You would think after someone hurts you so bad that you can barely stand it you wouldn't go back, but many including myself have. The question is, are we stupid or in love or something else? I appreciate receiving attention but by flirting am I leading a guy on or am I innocent? Where is the line when the other person starts having feelings or when they start voicing them? Are relationships patterns? From my personal experience watching others in their relationships I've seen history repeat itself. But is it because we hold ourselves to different standards? Why should I demand to be treated well by being taken out to dinner being called often, then someone else I know buys everything the man she is seeing wants who does not even bother to come see her and when she went to a different city to see him, he did not show up. But this is not the first relationship where this person has been treated badly, it happens in every relationship she seems to have. Why do we put ourselves through this craziness is it because we are selfish or needy? And when we know in the back of our heads there is always a way out of any relationship even marriage is it a wonder that so many people get divorces?

Love

I often wonder if there is such a thing as true love. Don't get me wrong, I love love. I am a hopeless romantic in every sense of the word. But all the stories in which I love to indulge myself, in the end never seem possible. I constantly wonder am I ever going to find someone so willing to do anything for me or am I going to have to just settle? What if I decide I don't want to settle then I will just end up old and alone and no one wants that. Where do people come up with ideas of all these amazing love stories? A significant percent of the population, including myself, are obsessed with the series Twilight. Anyone who reads it will know why Robert Pattinson is now one of the most popular actors although he has not been in many motion pictures. We all want to feel as if we someone will try to change their nature to be with us even forever. I for one would love to feel so protected and so appreciated as Edward seems to be towards Bella, but the truth of the matter is, no two people are that selfless and if they are, most likely they will never find each other. It is said to think this a truth, but I cannot find any other excuse for my unhappiness. I try daily to not fantasize about "the perfect man" although I can hardly ever keep myself from doing so. I do accept the fact that I have very high standards when it comes to falling in love, but I never seem to keep myself to those standards when the actual event takes place. If you asked me what the perfect man is, I would tell you, someone who wants to know your secrets, who is as anxious to see you as you are him, and (this may seem shallow) but someone attractive, because if you are not attracted then there is no point of being in love. Although different people hold different accounts of what is attractive to them and I always try to acknowledge this. I do not deny I am human and I often find myself thinking "wow he's hot" or "hmm.. not so much" and I honestly feel guilty about it later. Love is such a complicated matter, I'm not sure I will ever know exactly what to think.

Why do parents think that just because they are the parents that they do not have to resepect their children. I am an adult now, I can take care of myself and I try to so that I do not burden my parents with my problems. But I still can not have a conversation with my mother without her irrationally screaming at me. She always apologizes and makes some excuse but I am tired of it. I do no deserve to be treated like a child who needs to be repremanded when I am an adult who has done nothing wrong. Is it really too much to ask to just have a nice conversation where I am not being constantly asked questions about other peoples business that I do not believe I should be sharing when I was told in confidence? Not to mention the amount of distrust you have earned because of constantly telling anyone who will listen things I asked you not to repeat. And yet you wonder why I am unwilling to share every detail of my life with you. Parents if they are interested in a young adults life should not just randomly call to ask if everything is alright, it would be a lot nicer if you called on a consistant basis and did not start complaining about your own life before the details your child is trying to give you are finished. Its not that hard, you can respect people the same age who work for you, why not respect the person who actually really deserves it?

Brain storming for research

Having drive in my goals, keeping myself going to working out aka self-control, why boys do not like commitment, time-management,
signing lease for an apartment, possibly buy a new car if it can't be fixed, new phone, GPS system
cancer esp. when it randomly disapears,
double standards of children, dress code for work
is there such a thing as true love,
genetics pre-screening embryo's, chemistry, mental illness, Jane Austen,
reading, writing books, writing poetry

The Movie of my life

If there were to be a movie made about my life so far, I would have to act as myself, because I wouldn't trust anyone to portray my emotions as well as I would be able to. As for other characters, I would most likely ask Susan Sarandon to play my mother, because her persona and looks are a lot like my mothers. My sister would have to be played by Nikki Reed, because she is very capable of playing the "bad girl" which is the defenition of my sister. My father I would have played by Hugh Laurie, because he somewhat fits my fathers description and is a great actor, I believe in his ability not only to play an american, but if he truly wishes he could be the held back, quite person to play father. As for my stepmother, I would have Felecity Huffman play the role. My best friend Lauren, would probly be played by Ashley Greene, who seems to be very much like her. I would idealistically have Steven Spielberg direct the movie of my life because he is great at directing dramas and that is exactly what my life is, or atleast has been so far. As to the music, I don't think I could designate one person to write the score for the entire movie, there are too many different emotions and situations that would have to be played out that I do not think one person would be able to fulfill all the demands that I would make. I would hope for the movie to take place in my childhood home and stay as close to my real life as possible.

what to change about persuasion

be more descriptive about my experience with the homeless
be more creative with word choices
more description of the negatives
make smoother transitions

Free write 2

The first research project I did was for my junior english class. It was on the word passion, it was a very difficult research paper because there were strict sources we had to follow. I was one of the lucky ones having a very written about word but my experience just wasn't that great. As for my senior research project, I loved it! I researched Borderline Personality Disorder which is a mental illness my sister has been diagnosed with. Not only did it help me to see into her mind as to how she sees things, it helped me to be able to deal with her a little better. I had no idea how unknown this illness was until I did the research, and it amazed me. I did feel like I did not have enough time because I couldn't get through all the books I had found and wanted to read so that was a down side, but it did help to limit my paper so I didn't go over board. I think the difference between my two research paper experiences was that the first one i wasn't very excited about and the second I couldn't get enough of. I think the research paper for this class will be exciting for me because I will be able to choose my subject and make sure it is something I look forward to. So I am looking forward to this project.