Relationships

Relationships are complicated, everyone knows that. But where do they begin? Do we fall for people because its destiny? Because we see in them what is not in us? Because we need the attention? Where does the feeling of "needing" a relationship begin? Everyone always wants to be loved but when does the love of our parents, family, and friends become not enough? And most of all after we are hurt so much why do we keep going back? To the person that hurt us or just to relationships in general? You would think after someone hurts you so bad that you can barely stand it you wouldn't go back, but many including myself have. The question is, are we stupid or in love or something else? I appreciate receiving attention but by flirting am I leading a guy on or am I innocent? Where is the line when the other person starts having feelings or when they start voicing them? Are relationships patterns? From my personal experience watching others in their relationships I've seen history repeat itself. But is it because we hold ourselves to different standards? Why should I demand to be treated well by being taken out to dinner being called often, then someone else I know buys everything the man she is seeing wants who does not even bother to come see her and when she went to a different city to see him, he did not show up. But this is not the first relationship where this person has been treated badly, it happens in every relationship she seems to have. Why do we put ourselves through this craziness is it because we are selfish or needy? And when we know in the back of our heads there is always a way out of any relationship even marriage is it a wonder that so many people get divorces?

Love

I often wonder if there is such a thing as true love. Don't get me wrong, I love love. I am a hopeless romantic in every sense of the word. But all the stories in which I love to indulge myself, in the end never seem possible. I constantly wonder am I ever going to find someone so willing to do anything for me or am I going to have to just settle? What if I decide I don't want to settle then I will just end up old and alone and no one wants that. Where do people come up with ideas of all these amazing love stories? A significant percent of the population, including myself, are obsessed with the series Twilight. Anyone who reads it will know why Robert Pattinson is now one of the most popular actors although he has not been in many motion pictures. We all want to feel as if we someone will try to change their nature to be with us even forever. I for one would love to feel so protected and so appreciated as Edward seems to be towards Bella, but the truth of the matter is, no two people are that selfless and if they are, most likely they will never find each other. It is said to think this a truth, but I cannot find any other excuse for my unhappiness. I try daily to not fantasize about "the perfect man" although I can hardly ever keep myself from doing so. I do accept the fact that I have very high standards when it comes to falling in love, but I never seem to keep myself to those standards when the actual event takes place. If you asked me what the perfect man is, I would tell you, someone who wants to know your secrets, who is as anxious to see you as you are him, and (this may seem shallow) but someone attractive, because if you are not attracted then there is no point of being in love. Although different people hold different accounts of what is attractive to them and I always try to acknowledge this. I do not deny I am human and I often find myself thinking "wow he's hot" or "hmm.. not so much" and I honestly feel guilty about it later. Love is such a complicated matter, I'm not sure I will ever know exactly what to think.

Why do parents think that just because they are the parents that they do not have to resepect their children. I am an adult now, I can take care of myself and I try to so that I do not burden my parents with my problems. But I still can not have a conversation with my mother without her irrationally screaming at me. She always apologizes and makes some excuse but I am tired of it. I do no deserve to be treated like a child who needs to be repremanded when I am an adult who has done nothing wrong. Is it really too much to ask to just have a nice conversation where I am not being constantly asked questions about other peoples business that I do not believe I should be sharing when I was told in confidence? Not to mention the amount of distrust you have earned because of constantly telling anyone who will listen things I asked you not to repeat. And yet you wonder why I am unwilling to share every detail of my life with you. Parents if they are interested in a young adults life should not just randomly call to ask if everything is alright, it would be a lot nicer if you called on a consistant basis and did not start complaining about your own life before the details your child is trying to give you are finished. Its not that hard, you can respect people the same age who work for you, why not respect the person who actually really deserves it?

Brain storming for research

Having drive in my goals, keeping myself going to working out aka self-control, why boys do not like commitment, time-management,
signing lease for an apartment, possibly buy a new car if it can't be fixed, new phone, GPS system
cancer esp. when it randomly disapears,
double standards of children, dress code for work
is there such a thing as true love,
genetics pre-screening embryo's, chemistry, mental illness, Jane Austen,
reading, writing books, writing poetry

The Movie of my life

If there were to be a movie made about my life so far, I would have to act as myself, because I wouldn't trust anyone to portray my emotions as well as I would be able to. As for other characters, I would most likely ask Susan Sarandon to play my mother, because her persona and looks are a lot like my mothers. My sister would have to be played by Nikki Reed, because she is very capable of playing the "bad girl" which is the defenition of my sister. My father I would have played by Hugh Laurie, because he somewhat fits my fathers description and is a great actor, I believe in his ability not only to play an american, but if he truly wishes he could be the held back, quite person to play father. As for my stepmother, I would have Felecity Huffman play the role. My best friend Lauren, would probly be played by Ashley Greene, who seems to be very much like her. I would idealistically have Steven Spielberg direct the movie of my life because he is great at directing dramas and that is exactly what my life is, or atleast has been so far. As to the music, I don't think I could designate one person to write the score for the entire movie, there are too many different emotions and situations that would have to be played out that I do not think one person would be able to fulfill all the demands that I would make. I would hope for the movie to take place in my childhood home and stay as close to my real life as possible.

what to change about persuasion

be more descriptive about my experience with the homeless
be more creative with word choices
more description of the negatives
make smoother transitions

Free write 2

The first research project I did was for my junior english class. It was on the word passion, it was a very difficult research paper because there were strict sources we had to follow. I was one of the lucky ones having a very written about word but my experience just wasn't that great. As for my senior research project, I loved it! I researched Borderline Personality Disorder which is a mental illness my sister has been diagnosed with. Not only did it help me to see into her mind as to how she sees things, it helped me to be able to deal with her a little better. I had no idea how unknown this illness was until I did the research, and it amazed me. I did feel like I did not have enough time because I couldn't get through all the books I had found and wanted to read so that was a down side, but it did help to limit my paper so I didn't go over board. I think the difference between my two research paper experiences was that the first one i wasn't very excited about and the second I couldn't get enough of. I think the research paper for this class will be exciting for me because I will be able to choose my subject and make sure it is something I look forward to. So I am looking forward to this project.

Response to Save the economy:bail out our kids

When addressing the article "Save the economy: bail out our kids", I do think that Rick Dalton made some very good points. In our economic standards right now we all want to save money in as many ways as possible, so showing how much money is saved if the rate of drop outs is decreased appeals to a lot of the audience today. But I do not think he takes in all the perspectives to this argument. Now I do not mean to seem cold by saying this but it is a fact right now. Due to our current economic status there is a very limited job market. If everyone went to college there would be even more competition and more people out of jobs with student loans that would not be able to be paid, and so on. Now I know this wouldn't be a case to the extreme unless all people went to college, but it could still cause problems. Also If a high school student really wants to go to college they will find their way, there are millions of scholarships available not to mention FAFSA, there are ways if students want to help themselves. A lot of the time low income students want to take the easy way out. They see people all around them doing crimes and reeking the benefits, and when its a better lifestyle, or at least seems to be, they take the easier option. Instead of working hard in school, filling out paperwork, and getting a good job to help pay for necessities; they drop out of school and live a life of crime. Even people who have the financial ability and brains to go to college choose not to because its easier. My neighbors nephew began living with the family, he is my age and when I asked him why he did not want to go to college he said this "Why wait for years to start making money, when I can just start not and start saving" He works at a shop where they sell boulders for gardens, and tombstones. While yes he makes good money as apposed to a normal teenager, in the long run, when he can't lift boulders anymore because he's thrown out his back , what is he going to do? He wants money to spend now and freedom from his mother, but when he can no longer support himself later who is he going to go back to? His Mother! As much as a nation can try to keep kids in school, it ultimately comes down to whether the kids want to be there or not. And that is a perspective Rick Dalton did not approach.

Dr.

While watching Grey's Anatomy last night a few hard subjects seem to be coming up. Is it possible for Doctors to put aside their emotions in order to treat every patient the same. Understandably anyone whose father was life was ended by a criminal is going to harbor bad feelings for criminals, but should they give them any less care because of it? Another hard situation what if a female doctor strongly disagrees with abortion, will she treat a patient who has had an abortion the same as anyone else? Unless you go to a very low key practice the doctors do not really know you they know what is on your chart, how can they not make judgments when all they know is what you've been through not what you have become because of it. The other subject brought up in Grey's Anatomy ,which will appear next week, is should we let prisoners who are sentenced to die help someone else live? This subject also came up in a book I have previously read Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. In the book the criminal, who wasn't entirely guilty, was hung instead of given the normal medical injections in order to give his heart to a girl of the family whom he supposedly slaughtered. Personally I believe that if they are now willing to help, even it is after they know they have nothing left. They should be able to. Why make not only them, but also a deserving person suffer? It seems like a good plan from that angle but just thinking about it right now I have forgotten to take into account how the person getting the organ would feel. Honestly I'm not sure how badly I would want an organ from a serial killer, but then again I'm not in that hard of a situation. It's a complex situation and I guess it is up to the people who want to give up their organs and get them. But I think the more people we can help if we are going to impose the death penalty anyway the better off the world will be.

My thoughts on abortion

Abortion is a complex subject that I honestly do not know what side I stand on. There are too many different situations for me to make a strict judgment. I was adopted because my birthmother had just begun college and was not ready for a child. I am happy that she decided to give me up rather than abort me, I have to be otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here saying this. But there are people who unlike my birthmother make this mistake and do not deal with it rationally. As much as I want to give a child the ability to live their life, a life of abuse, bad parenting, and endless disadvantages is not a life I would want to live. When speaking of abortion we have to take into consideration whether losing a life or making one almost not worth living is better. The saying between a rock and a hard place definitely comes to mind there. I feel very strongly as to abortion being used as a form of birth control. I do not think it is right for a woman to have multiple abortions because she is too lazy, too carless, or too stubborn to protect herself. I think woman like them give us a bad name and is part of the reason that this topic has become such a crisis. We need to protect ourselves. Another critical point of abortion is that what about women who were raped? Should we make them relive the most awful point of their existence for nine months? I think that is completely cruel. If every case for an abortion were the same I think it would be an easier decision for me to say "No more abortions, abortions are bad!" or "Yeah women need the right to choose what to do with their bodies" but not every case is clear cut so I don't think there is any way to control this debate or find an end to it. Like I told you I am happy I was not aborted like my birthfather wanted me to be, I love my family and they love me too. Having a parent who will take care of you and appreciates you I believe is far more important than putting a child into a horrible situation which in the long run can possibly do a great amount psychological and maybe physical damage to them. So when it comes to abortion, I just don't know.

Free Write

People who are overbearing, and have no right to be drive me CRAZY! If you have something to say you don't always have to say it. When someone is over the age of 18 it becomes thier life, and their choices. I understand you only want to help but when the person trying to do so is not someone you have any responsibility towards they aren't your child you don't need to push them. I know what I am doing, NO I don't make friends all that easily and I'm not very involved right now but I'm just getting used to the whole college life and eventually I will get there. I have a mother and if she were to say she was concerned for my well-being that would be one thing but if you arent my mother it is not really any of your business. how I live my life, even if my mother doesn't always play the role she should. That does not mean someone should try to take her postion. I made it through my life so far making good decisions with my mom acting the same way as she does now. When you have two other kids which you should be worrying about you should not be worrying about me. When you have been there for me and been so lotal I appreciate it but it doesn't give you authority to control me. I want to be friends but I do not want another mother. I want to be treated like an adult, not like the child that my mother doesn't even see me as anymore.